Now, Alejandro usually isn't one to brag, but he just got this XXXL ultra-plush handwoven men's cardigan for half off and he's simply tickled pink about it. Yep, that's 100% artisanal, thick rib-knitted lambswool (Alejandro *loves* a good rib job) originally listed on Etsy for $1,499.99. But Alejandro got it for *drumroll* just $1,200 even!! Hold up. *turns to Alejandro* Jandro, babe, that's nowhere near half off. Also, um, I thought we'd earmarked your great aunt's inheritance for the down payment on our summer home in Tampa? We talked about it literally last week. No, don't even try me with those eyes — I'm pissed about this! OK, we'll figure everything out when I'm back from my cupping appointment, by which point you'd damn well better have figured out what to do with — or how to actually wear — that thing.