Don't be fooled by their good looks and charm. Here's why f*ckboys are actually the worst.
BuzzFeed Dude A Day
Hey boys

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Editor's note: In our noble quest to better educate you about the ceaselessly sexy and complex world of hot men, we'd like to take this day to talk about fuckboy circumvention. Joining us is BuzzFeed Quiz Editor and Resident Fuckboy Expert Alexis Nedd with a full breakdown of this fraught phenomenon:

“A fuckboy is a man who feels entitled to a woman’s time without putting any emotional effort into earning it.” This is the concise definition of a fuckboy given by the mysterious bartender at The Bar — a humble stand-in for any and every conceivable bar. For our purposes, this Bar is where BuzzFeed’s “Can You Spot The Fuckboy challenge takes place.

Now, there are those who rail against the use of the word fuckboy. “You wouldn’t call a woman a slut,” they keen numbly into the endless scrolling white of their screens, “but somehow it’s OK to call a man a fuckboy?!” These people are misguided, and have a less-than-comprehensive grip on the English language. “Fuckboy" is no slur. It does not degrade its usually male subject in the way that countless words degrade women for their choices and behavior. No – “fuckboy” describes a set of behavior. A fuckboy only exists in relation to his actions towards other people. A fuckboy expects to get everything — be it a person’s time, a sexual encounter, or a rapt audience for his platitudinous stories — for nothing, and is really fucking annoying until he gets it. Fuckboys are like pizza, in that you know them when you see them. Unlike pizza, fuckboys are terrible. 

And so, I present the Top 5 Tips For Identifying And Evading Fuckboys In Your Everyday Life:

  1. Listen when he opens his mouth. Contrary to popular belief, a fuckboy cannot simply be spotted in the wild without actually hearing or reading what he has to say. If he interrupts you or tries to one-up other people’s stories (usually of a sexual theme), then he MAY be a fuckboy. Check him against the other signs to be sure.
  2. Tell him “no.” If he reacts poorly to you saying no about anything, be that buying you a drink, going outside to get some air, or even liking a television show about which he is particularly passionate, he is likely a fuckboy. Normal people understand that human beings have agency beyond what we might wish or expect. A fuckboy has no such insight.
  3. Check the time stamp on his texts. If he exclusively contacts you between the hours of 11pm and 3am, he is a fuckboy who only conceives of your existence as it conveniences him and his nighttime interests. 
  4. Like the Boltons of Winterfell press their flayed man-seal into hot pink wax, so too do fuckboys use graphic symbols to indicate their status. If a man texts you acronyms like “wyd,” urges you to continue with “haha and then what,” attempts to play “20 Questions” with you, or begins a conversation with the effective but hella rude “wanna fuck,” he is attempting to bypass the social process of knowing you as a person and get straight to the endgame of sex. If you are of a mind to bypass this as well, then by all means enjoy yourself. If you are not, then take a page from Lady BeyoncĂ©’s book and tell him: “[fuck]boy, BYE!”
  5. Lastly: the non-zero constant. If you receive an unsolicited picture of his penis at any point in your correspondence, then he is a fuckboy. Regardless of his other behavior or appearance, anyone who sends you a picture of his penis without first confirming that you would like to see a picture of his penis is a fuckboy to the core. Delete him. Go to the other side of the game board. Do not pass “Go.” Do not collect $200. Run away and never come back.

Got all that? Good. Now it's time to really put your skills to the test: Can You Spot The Fuckboy?

Yours in thirst,
Alexis (@alexisthenedd)

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