We've got a Frenchman in the house, y'all, and he (and his beard) are playing *derty*. Mon dieu!
Shaun Botterill / Getty
Soccer players are hot. That’s just how it works. You have to pay taxes, Beyoncé makes good albums, Donald Trump says stupid things, and soccer players thirst trap all of us, all the time, with their perfect, lean-but-muscle-y bodies.
Olivier Giroud, who plays for the English team Arsenal and also for the French national team in the European Championships, abides by this universal law. He has the chiseled cheekbones of a young David Beckham and the sinewy body of Michelangelo’s David statue. Even better, he’s recently been sporting a pretty excellent beard, giving him an awesome ~lumberjack(ed) vibe~. Come chop our lumber, Olivier. We’ll stand here and watch. Do you need anything? Some water? Someone to hold your shirt after you take it off? Please take it off.