Jan's got a thick grip on his pole, and he certainly knows how to use it. *fans self*
Mark Ralston / Getty
Your man's out of town and Jan Kudlička comes strutting toward you with that look on his face — what do you do? Yeah, that's right: You fuckin' go for it. Doesn't matter how long you and your man have been going steady, if he's even put a ring on it yet, or whether or not you've got three kids and a five-year-old yellow lab back home. When Jan Kudlička comes knocking, you'd damn well better be on board/top of him.
Wait, who's Jan, you ask? With that mug, and those thighs, and that perfectly tousled mat of chest hair, does it really fucking matter? But actually, he's the fourth-place finisher in men's pole vault from the Czech Republic. So what if he didn't medal? Jan is by far the panty-droppingest Olympic athlete we've encountered yet in Rio, and that's a pretty big deal. Like, can we talk about those thighs again? Or his rock-hard grip on that thick-ass pole? Gotdamn, Jan. Gotdamn. What we wouldn't do for a mere minute/three hours spent splatting on the mats with this man...
Because it's just like the old saying says: You'd better Czech yourself before you wreck yourself, y'all. 🇨🇿 🇨🇿 🇨🇿 💦