OHMYGOD CHRISTMAS IS SO CLOSE YOU CAN ALMOST TASTE IT. OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD. CAN YOU FEEL IT IN THE AIR ALL AROUND YOU? IS YOUR WHOLE BODY TREMBLING AND DIZZY WITH EXCITEMENT? OHMYGOD. WAIT, CAN YOU ACTUALLY LITERALLY PHYSICALLY TASTE IT ON YOUR LIPS? OHMYGOD. IS THE ROOM ALSO LEGITIMATELY SPINNING TO PERHAPS A CONCERNING DEGREE? OHMYGOD. IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU MIXED UP YOUR TRADITIONAL BREAKFAST EGGNOG WITH THE RUM-SPIKED ~pArTY~ 'NOG YOU WERE SAVING FOR TOMORROW NIGHT? Oh god. Yes. And that certainly explains some things about your day so far. Like, um, the ugly sweater crop top you're wearing right now. And the tinsel in your teeth. And the actually offensive Xxxmas joke you dropped on your boss in the elevator. No one should talk about Mrs. Claus that way. Ever. Oh god.
Alex, you're the resident barkeep in this joint — do you have any recommendations for something to counteract this gnarly eggnog buzz? Maybe we'll just start by sitting here to really take in those sexy sweats and that open shirt and your charming, warming grin. Then we can see where things go from there...
Yours in thirst,
Dude A Day
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