Dude A Day: Maybe He's Born With It

Or maybe it's the fifth stage of hot guy metamorphosis scientists won't tell you about.

Petr Dlouhy

Within the chrysalis, the caterpillar turns into a beautiful butterfly. But did you know that some butterflies have a fifth phase of metamorphosis? In which they turn into a hot man?

That’s right, the Brown Argus butterfly, commonly found in Denmark and Great Britain, will only live a third of its life as a butterfly. The remaining two thirds are actually lived as a full-grown hot man.

So how does this all work? In its pre-human phase, a butterfly develops phenotypic plasticity that will later be used to develop pearly white mandibles. Organs that are redundant — like the forewings and antennae — will be resorbed by controlled cell death, called apoptosis. Then, under proper ecological circumstances, the butterfly’s remaining organs will combine to create one giant, throbbing mamallian organ. Via a process involving thyroxin concentrated in the blood, all the bones and hot, taut muscles will being to take shape. Then the only remaining signs of the man's former life as a butterfly can be found in his tiny shorts and tight top.

So, next time you sleep with a hot man, consider this: You're probably fucking a former butterfly. Yeah, the more you know.

Yours in thirst,
Sarah (@NotRubHarass)