OK, here's the thing: I've been dealing with a towel burglar for a couple of months, which is odd because who steals towels? I mean, they aren't that expensive, right?
That all went out the window when I discovered the thief was Tom Hiddleston, who I like to lovingly call The Towel Bandit. At first I was furious. I thought to myself, why would he steal my things? But as fast as that thought entered my mind, another forced its way in, making me even more upset. Once I saw him standing there holding nothing but my towel I couldn't help but think, why am I not a towel? Oh, to be that flimsy white linen pressed up hard against Tom's danger zone...
But then I remembered that I have eyes, and it was in that moment that I was most thankful for the blessed gift of sight. To see Tom's rippling abs, his subtle V-cut, and that darling, devilish smirk made me forget all about the fact that he was robbing me of literally hundreds of towels.
Tom and I now have an agreement that he can steal my towels as long as I get to look at his beautiful body. Things have really worked out well for the both of us.
Yours in thirst,
Bae-ologist Michael Blackmon (@blackmon)
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