Alex has worked up quite an appetite. Let's just hope the deliveryman can ~deliver~.
BuzzFeed Dude A Day
Is it here yet?

Ooh! Is that Alex’s Seamless order? Nope, just two friendly door-to-door Mormons moseying on down the street. What about over there? Wrong again. That's his adult neighbor Beverly still insisting that she can learn how to ride a bike without training wheels for the third spring in a row, even though her valiant attempts have resulted in five concussions, two sprained wrists, a compound fracture, and at least half a dozen cease-and-desist letters from the neighborhood association over the years. But Bev is nothing if not persistent (and perhaps a little delusional); you’ll get the hang of this someday, girl! Meanwhile, Alex would really just like to get ahold of his goddamn food. It's already been, what, forty minutes? Don't they know he's been fasting for the past 72 hours in preparation for this moment? C'mon!!!! (Some context: Alex doesn't order delivery often but, when he does, he goes ham. Today he's taking on the triple threat: Chinese, Indian, and Thai — yes, all at the same time. So, that's one order of General Tso's with extra rice, extra tso, and 2L of egg drop soup, a pint of pad thai, super spicy, with double meat and a side of fried fish balls, and Bombay Kitchen's chicken tikka masala combination special with aloo chat, beef samosas, garlic naan, and gulab jamun just for good measure. If he still has room, maybe he'll tack on an order of chicken-bacon gnocchi Alfredo bake from Tino & Gino's, but he'll have to see.) And now back to the window, where it looks like Bev has taken down two schoolchildren on tricycles over at the end of the block. All three parties are on the ground and in tears, but there doesn't appear to be any blood. Wait, what's this? Ripping around the corner of Church St. and 2nd, a delivery moped comin' in hot with another one close behind! And the third is pulling up to Alex's doorstep on his Ducati right now. This is truly a dream come true. But as all three deliverymen doff their helmets, toss their unfathomably attractive heads of hair, and glance up at him licking his lips in the window, Alex realizes he's craving more than just food today. It's a good thing he worked up an appetite.

Yours in thirst,
Lincoln (@marytodd_)

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