While Captain America: Civil War opens in cinemas in the U.S. today, it’s actually been out in Australia for a week now. And, having seen the film twice already, I hereby present to you an entirely spoiler-free discussion on the film’s most important star: Chris Evans’ biceps.
The film is great, it’s really fun, and if you’re not a huge fan of superhero movies, who cares?! There’s one moment where Captain America flexes his arm so hard I almost snapped my seat in half. I’m sure it was an important plot point but I couldn’t really hear what was happening over my own groaning, and the theater manager begging me to “please consider the other people in the cinema.” But Cap really does become the All-American hero in Civil War, protecting his Second Amendment right to bare those glorious, god-given arms.
Captain America (or Captarm Armerica as I like to call him) will make your whole body feel like it’s made of vibranium, if you know what I mean. He could make every part of me Thor. The only way Iron Man could win me over to his side of the war would be if he stripped Stark naked (heh) —but even still, Cap’s throbbing muscles would beckon me back.
Look, I’m not saying that the only reason you should see Civil War is because of bulging muscles, but it is the main reason. Thank god for absorbent cinema carpets. Thank god for Chris Evans. Thank god for the Avengers.
Yours in thirst,
Mat (@matwhi)
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