It's almost time for these two beefy hunks to face off in what will basically be a super wang measuring contest. Who will win? Will it be Superman, with his rippling biceps, his firm-yet-supple pecs, and his jaw you could do a spin class on? Or will it be Batman, the millionaire with a penchant for expensive toys and latex? This Dark Knight rises and surprises; this Caped Crusader wants to turn your Robin into a Nightschwing.
I can imagine it now: Superman rips off Batman's mask. "You won't be needing this anymore, Bruce," he whispers. "How did you know it was me?" Wayne asks the last son of Krypton. "Oh Bruce, I've always known..." And that's when the kissing starts— excuse me, the super kissing.
If we're basing anything off the movie's trailer, and the fanfic I wrote in my journal last night, this is going to be one of the hottest, homoerotic-est movies of the year.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some popcorn containers to cut the bottom out of.
Yours in thirst,
Mat (@matwhi)
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